It’s a funny thing, motivation. I spent at least a decade of my life (absolute number of hours almost undoubtedly, never mind real time) chasing completely arbitrary and ultimately meaningless goals in search of that next hit of dopamine or whatever it is. Ultimately, that stuff doesn’t even matter. I couldn’t even tell you what many of those bullshit “achievements” were for actually doing. I do remember that there were a large number of such achievements just for exploring the entirety of certain areas in World of Warcraft all those years ago.
Who gives a fuck?
I did at the time of course. Looking back, I couldn’t tell you a blasted thing about any of those areas I’ve explored (and not just because I’ve heard that Blizzard has since literally brought down an apocalypse on them, changing them forever) - I have no photos of my character in wherever it was, or any particularly unique experiences. This is where if I were still writing these on Reddit some pedant would come out of the woodwork and point out that absolutely everything is unique in one way or another, on some sort of micro-level. Looking back, how unique could it possibly be? It’s all, fundamentally, the same stuff that millions of other people are experiencing. Sociologically I’m sure one could make the argument that there’s value in such broad shared experiences, but at what cost? What benefits to my own life - never mind society as a whole - came from this period of way too much time? If there’s one thing that this period of self-reflection is letting me do, it’s to see just how absurd all of this actually was. Sorry I’ve been a little rant-y in the last few posts, y’all. It’s just so amazing when I look at my life with the same critical eye that I might evaluate something in class or my readings or what have you.
Actually, you know what? I’m not sorry. Not at all. For God’s sake, there is an entire industry of people out there who make a living from people watching them play video games! Just how _ridiculous _is that?! All the more power to the people who’ve made that work out for them, fair enough. Maybe I’m just getting older (and was when this first became a thing), but I just don’t get the appeal at all.
What started this all tonight? Well, I got something of a much more worthwhile achievement. Apple even helpfully gave me a badge for it, just like in a game!
Despite doing almost nothing today aside from watch football (or what my sorry excuse of a professional team calls football), I still managed to get out and hit my move goal. 350 Active Calories burned today is absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things - I was even averaging closer to 500 during the week - but the fact that I was able to stick with it is a promise I’m making to this “new me” that I’m slowly building toward.
No matter what, I will rise.
Even on an off day, there is something I can do to make myself better. And to do this, I will dare to try. Sometimes that’s all I’ll be able to show for my efforts - the old college try, if you will - and that’s okay! It’s the fact that I’m trying to be better that matters.
After all, it’s only a matter of time until I succeed.